Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Guilt

I am back with a deep meaningful post. I have been having a hard time lately with leaving my children while working full-time. My job has become more demanding this year with added pressure. I was able to take a few days off during Spring Break with the kids. It reminded me that my children are starved for my attention. They are at daycare/preschool from 8:00 to 4:00 Monday through Friday. Logan is already getting to the point that he does not want to go to school. Who could blame the kid? That is a long day when you are 4. I never had to deal with this when I was a child. Mom stayed home with us so I went to preschool 3 mornings a week. I got to stay home during the Summer and every school holiday. I want my children to have this opportunity. Unfortunately, I am trapped in a good job. I make a good salary and have good benefits for this area. It would be a financial struggle for us to make it on Chad's salary alone. I have begged and prayed for a part-time job but my company does not offer this option. It is all or nothing for them. Please keep me in your prayers. I am struggling and unhappy. This is the reason I do not want to go to church on Sunday and Wednesday nights anymore. I don't want to leave my children in the nursery again after being away from them all week. Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated...

4 comments:

Beccalynn81 said...

I hope you find a solution! It IS very tough! When I worked and had Lillian in daycare, I felt like I missed out on so much. I feel like I'm really experiencing more now of Andrew growing up even though he is extra attached to me since he hasn't ever been with anyone else really.

I still even deal with the guilt of leaving my kids just for an hour and a half in the daycare at the gym during the day which is nothing compared to you, but my mom always told me that you just need a break and time to yourself and that makes me be a better mother to them when I'm back with them again.

You are a wonderful mother and your kids are so blessed to have you and that you are even feeling guilty about your situation. I know of people that were staying home and just went back to work to get away from their kids because they couldn't handle it. I'll be praying for you and hope that everything turns out for the best!

Philip said...

I too remember the past. My mom was a stay-at-home mom. Unfortunately, we live in a time where it is hard to make it on one salary. We want things, and things cost money. I hear what you are saying, and I know it is painful for you to be away from your children. I wish I could spend more time with my kids as well.

Crim said...

I totally understand your position but remember it is not quantity all the time but it is quality. I have to find a way to divide myself between all 3 of my needy babies and that is after a long day of work so I know your dilemma. I do not know the solution but you are a loving mother and that is the way to go.

Abbie, Jonathan and Grace said...

I really struggled with this also. Fortunately I was able to work part time in the office and the other part from home at night after the baby was in bed. I really don't think that I could have handled a 9-5 job. I am now so glad that I got laid-off and there are no architecture jobs out there to be had. It has given me the opportunity to experience being a stay at home mom, and I now know that I wouldn't be happy going back to work until the kids are in school. I am finding a different kind of satisfaction keeping a home and making things work on our tight budget and being with a baby all day than I ever did at work. And I am so rested! I am a much more pleasant person to be around now that I am not stretched so thin. Jonathan and I have made the decision to live off of one salary for the foreseeable future... even though it is going to be really tight at times. I know it is probably easier for us to make the change since we are still not "settled" somewhere, but if you are not happy and feel like you will regret spending so much time at work I say explore other options... even if it means taking a big leap of faith! You can always go back to work once they are in school in a few years. And then you will feel like you have all the money in the world after living on one salary! Whatever you decide just know you are doing the best you can and that is all anybody can do. You are obviously a GREAT MOM! And you have kids who really love you and want to be with you, so you are doing something very right!!!