are you ready for children?

I am so glad Magen sent me this email. I thought this was hilarious and yet true.

Enjoy :)

Are you considering having children? To determine whether you are truly prepared for the experience, we suggest you take this set of simple tests...
MESS TEST:

Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

TOY TEST:

Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).

GROCERY STORE TEST:

Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST:

Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST:

Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST:

Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for five years. Look cheerful.

PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN)

Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10% of the beans.

PHYSICAL TEST (MEN):

Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. G o home and read it quietly for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT:

Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child’s table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

A morning in the life of a Mom...

I thought I would share with you what a typical morning looks like for me. I am sure many of you can relate.
My alarm is set for 6:20 but I end up sleeping until 6:40. I drag myself out of bed and get ready. We wake up the kids, dress, and feed them by 7:25. I am feeling pretty good about this since we don't have to actually leave until 7:35 so I get the kids dressed in their jackets, load two boxes of juice boxes, 2 Easter baskets filled with eggs, and a package of wipes for the daycare. It is 7:30 by the time everyone is buckled in their carseats. Since I think I am running ahead of schedule, I decide to do something indulgent like stop at Chick fil a and get sweet tea with chicken minis. After all I didn't get breakfast before we left. As soon as I am given the food via the drive through, Laney starts asking for french fries as she assumes that is what is given at a drive thru window. I explain that it is not french fries but mama's breakfast. Now I am feeling guilty that I got something in front of them so I take out a chicken mini to share with them. That works well because Laney wants the chicken and Logan the roll. It is now 7:45. Half way to the daycare, Laney starts coughing and precedes to throw up her chicken. I arrive at the daycare at 8:00 with a child covered in throw up. Her extra clothes are in the daycare not in the car. I grab the extra wipes and start cleaning her and the car. I then have to parade through the daycare with a child covered in throw up trying to explain she is not sick she just gags herself periodically on her food. The other parents are thinking, "yeah, right." We somehow manage to get her, the wipes, the Easter basket and juice boxes into the classroom. I change her clothes. Of course now she is dressed like an orphan for her Easter party with a hairbow and shoes that do not match her outfit. It is now 8:10 and I still have to take Logan and his stuff to his class which is in another building. As we start walking up the hill, it begins to rain. I do not have an umbrella so we try to hurry with our arms full of stuff. We get to his room but he doesn't want to stay so 5 hugs and kisses later along with intervention from the teacher and I am out the door. I drive in the rain to work and arrive at 8:28. I am supposed to be here by 8:30 so all is well.

Keep in mind all of this is done while wearing heels...Life is good.

Yee-Haw!

We had a wonderful time celebrating Logan's birthday. We were hoping to have his Cowboy party in the backyard but when the high was 50 with 25 mph winds out of the North, we decided to move it to our church. Logan was so thrilled to have his friends from school and church along with family to party with us. I have posted some pictures from the party. Laney's favorite part was the cupcake. Logan loved the pinata and looking for Gold (Chuck e Cheese tokens) in the haystack.

Thanks to everyone who made this a special day for Logan.

Guilt

I am back with a deep meaningful post. I have been having a hard time lately with leaving my children while working full-time. My job has become more demanding this year with added pressure. I was able to take a few days off during Spring Break with the kids. It reminded me that my children are starved for my attention. They are at daycare/preschool from 8:00 to 4:00 Monday through Friday. Logan is already getting to the point that he does not want to go to school. Who could blame the kid? That is a long day when you are 4. I never had to deal with this when I was a child. Mom stayed home with us so I went to preschool 3 mornings a week. I got to stay home during the Summer and every school holiday. I want my children to have this opportunity. Unfortunately, I am trapped in a good job. I make a good salary and have good benefits for this area. It would be a financial struggle for us to make it on Chad's salary alone. I have begged and prayed for a part-time job but my company does not offer this option. It is all or nothing for them. Please keep me in your prayers. I am struggling and unhappy. This is the reason I do not want to go to church on Sunday and Wednesday nights anymore. I don't want to leave my children in the nursery again after being away from them all week. Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated...